In the zoom meeting today, I expressed my concern that I seemed too often be diminished or raised up by “others.” I would have a period of believing that I was getting closer to Awareness, having breakthroughs, seeing through the separation. Then something would happen—for example, someone would criticize me, seem to tear me down—and it would all seem to shatter. And I wondered why I was so “needy,” so insecure, susceptible to the opinions of other people. Why can’t I find the love and beauty I need within myself? Why must I seek what I need from “outside”? And how can something from “outside” seem to destroy my peace and happiness?
Then we started talking about our animals. I realized how much love I give my animals. I am the love they need. My love for them is unconditional. And they provide me with love that I need, but it’s the same love. I have a very difficult dog (as I’ve mentioned in our zoom meetings). She’s been abandoned twice, and she came to me for the love she needs. I willingly give it to her, and I understand her neediness. And she sees and loves the true me.
In meetings with Rupert Spira, when someone asks whether one kind of love or beauty is different from another, Rupert has said that there is only one love, only one beauty. That rings true for me, resonates in my heart. When I look at my group of friends in the zoom meeting, the love I feel for them is the same as the love they express toward me. If there is an absence of that love, it does not diminish the love that exists. There is really no “outside”: There is only the beauty and love that’s our shared being.
So the love I seem to find “outside” is really the love I feel. The love I have for others is the love I have for myself; and vice versa: the love I seem to need and find from others is my love for myself. If I go to others for the love I need, it really still comes from myself.
I have felt this realization all morning, since the meeting. It all came together for me in this discussion. Behind the scenes, behind the veil, I know my True Self was shining a light on the Truth. Rupert says that “Awareness shines forth all the time.” I can’t always see it. But sometimes, as at the moment of writing this, I see it.
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